TSB

SFX: Thundering of horses’ hooves, men shouting, distant cannon fire.
OFFICER (SHOUTING TO ADDRESS HIS MEN): Cheer up men. I know there are cannon to the right of you, cannon to the left of you, and cannon in front of you, but ours is not to reason why, ours is just to – yes Corporal?
VERY NERVOUS SOUNDING CORPORAL: Sir, the men and I aren’t scared or anything but we’ve all got to …
OFFICER: Yes?
ONE OF THE MEN SUDDENLY HAS AN INSPIRED EXCUSE: Go to the bank!
OFFICER: What, all 600 of you?
MEN: Yes sir. The bank, that’s right the bank etc, etc.
OFFICER: Well that’s not a very positive attitude. If you’d opened a TSB current account you could have used Speedlink to pay your bills, check your balance and transfer money between accounts just by picking up the phone. So no more silly excuses. Draw swords and …
Charrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrge  !!!!!!
SFX: Cavalry charging into the distance. Cannon fire.

MVO: TSB Speedlink banking by phone lets you do your bit for the Empire and sort things out at the bank.
Positive thinking TSB

WOMAN COMMENTATOR. ROMANTIC MUSIC: They should have been natural enemies. She an exiled Hungarian aristocrat. He a Partick Thistle supporter. But although she fought the wild need for the forbidden fruit of his embrace, hot dangerous desire urged her on. Now she was going to see him for perhaps the last time.

PARTICK THISTLE SUPPORTER: Well how come she has nae turned up then?

HUNGARIAN FEMME FATALE ARISTOCRAT: I’m captured by Stan’s sapphire eyes. His voice compels me to surrender. But right now I just have to go to the bank.

WOMAN COMMENTATOR: You mustn’t despair. Be positive and take out a current account at TSB and you can use Speedlink telephone banking service. Then you can pay your bills, check your balance or transfer money between your accounts just by picking up the phone…

ROMANTIC MUSIC PICKS UP AGAIN.

COMMENTATOR: … leaving you free to have a hopelessly doomed romantic love affair and to sort out things at the bank.

MVO: TSB Speedlink banking by phone. Positive Thinking TSB.

EXCITABLE COMMENTATOR. DRAMATIC MUSIC: Planet Earth was defenseless against the Alpha Centurai death ship. Its vapour destucto-beams threatened to annihilate the world. Only Superhero could save mankind now.

SILENCE

COMMENTATOR: Ahem. I said only SuperHero could save mankind now.

SUPERHERO: Humanity may need me to save them against certain destruction – but I need to go to the bank.

COMMENTATOR: Come on Superhero, be positive and take out a current account at TSB and you can use Speedlink telephone banking service. Then you can pay your bills, check your balance or transfer money between your accounts just by picking up the phone…

DRAMATIC MUSIC PICKS UP AGAIN

COMMENTATOR: …leaving you free to save the world against alien space armadas and to sort out things at the bank.

MVO:  TSB Speedlink banking by phone. Positive Thinking TSB.

SFX: Screams, shouts, people running, explosions and general pandemonium.

JEREMY: What’s going on?
PANIC STRICKEN MAN: Run away, run away! It’s the deadly poisonous indestructible purple man-eating blob from outer space! It’s killing everybody!
JEREMY: But that’s terrible, I have to go to the bank.
JEREMY’S GIRLFRIEND: Oh Jeremy, can’t it wait?
JEREMY: No, I must sort out my account.
JEREMY’S GIRLFRIEND: Please Jeremy. Before you go there’s something I have to say to you.
JEREMY (RUNNING OFF): Later darling… wish me lu- Aaaaaaagh!!

GORY SFX OF JEREMY BEING DEVOURED BY THE PURPLE BLOB

JEREMY’S GIRLFRIEND (VERY DISTRAUGHT): Oh no, I never had the chance to tell him that… (BREAKS DOWN AND STARTS SOBBING) if he’d opened a TSB current he could have used Speedlink to pay bills, check the balance or transfer money between accounts just by picking up the phone.

He’s gone in vain.

MVO:  TSB Speedlink banking by phone means you don’t have to risk your life escaping from man-eating space creatures to sort things out at the bank.
Positive thinking TSB